Cupcakes and Hand Grenades

Phoenix

2007-11-02T11:30:00.001-07:00

I am a Southern Oregon native. A graduate of a class with less then a hundred students, I was blessed to grow up in the heart of a small town. This map dot just north of the California border will forever be my home. Though I live in Los Angeles now, my home and my heart are still in Oregon. This town that as a youth I tried so desperately to escape is where my roots still lay grounded. Phoenix Oregon. Often mistaken for Arizona, this little towns name serves symbolic to my life.
The legend of the Phoenix bird is that of one’s destiny. The bird with its beautiful golden wings was said to regenerate when hurt or wounded. At the end of its life-cycle the bird builds a nest in which it lays, that is then ignited by flames and the Phoenix is then reduced to ashes. Out of the destruction a new Phoenix arises destined to live.
Literal flames have engulfed thousands of acres in Southern California causing great devastation to many families. Pictures of the fiery flames served as cover shots for newspapers across the world. People have lost their homes, treasures and hope.
I find myself lost in thoughts of deeper devastation. Millions of people all over the world suffer from their own daily torment. Whether it is an addiction, a loss, a hurt or a circumstance we all have felt at one point or another under fire. Flames so overwhelming that no hope seemed to be in sight.
Maybe today your world is aflame. Your home, your treasure, even who you are may feel lost. Out of the pits of despair you can find hope. Like bird that is given life through death, you too are promised new beginning. No fire is too big to be extinguished. Whatever affliction you may face, rest assured that you don’t have to face the fire alone.
The price for your life has been paid. From death He brought you life. He will pull you from the ashes and you can be new again.
“For God so loved the world that he gave is one and only Son, that whoever believes in him will not perish but have eternal life.” John 3:16

Cry

2007-10-27T16:26:00.001-07:00

We all have experienced loss at one point or another in our life. Whether it was the loss of a loved one, a relationship, a business deal, or even a dream, the heartache that follows is inevitable. The healing process for some takes days, months and even years. Sometimes in the midst of an ordinary day, those bottled up emotions can get the best of us. It is times like those, when the best thing to do it cry. Grieving is a natural process to help us overcome our circumstances. Last week was my time to cry.
It was as simple as a phone call from a distant stranger. Her voice was warm and loving and her words took me back to a reality I have managed to avoid for the last few months. It was an effortless hello followed by a few choice words of heartfelt encouragement. She knew her. She loved her. She too missed her.
My grandma, as crazy and flamboyant as she was, served as an undeniable light in this world. Her laughter was contagious, her support genuine, and timing inconvenient yet perfect all in one. I am reminded of her through smells of gardenia and cigarettes, aquamarine stones, pink nail polish, Olive Garden, and the 700 Club. She was the voice of reassurance when my dreams seemed too far from my reach, and the long distance hug I needed when this world would try to bring me down. Every birthday, holiday and minor life event was celebrated in her cards, which would then be proceeded by a tearful phone call. Today, in the middle of a busy morning, the voice of distant friend pulled on the strings of my heart and reminded me that my dreams weren’t laid to rest with my grandma.
The rest of my day was accompanied by tears, joyful memories and faith that no one is ever forgotten. We all have experienced loss. Let each tear that falls bring you closer to healing.
“Blessed are those who mourn. They will be comforted.” Matthew 5:4

Seasons

2007-10-16T11:43:00.000-07:00

Summer has quickly faded into the cool days of autumn. Trees are trading the bright green colors of summer for beautiful yellow and orange leaves that will soon fall from the branches that created them onto the ground we walk on. Mornings bring with them early signs of winter, as the evening sky’s darkness drags on, almost encouraging us to stay in bed. The sunny days of summer are disappearing, and colder darker days lay ahead. The seasons are changing. Each day is like a masterful work of art, and we are the guest of honor. It’s strange to see how the world is always evolving, yet it continues to stay the same. Each year we experience seasons. The bright warm colors of summer, transform into the golden designs of fall. Naked trees lay almost to rest under the white blankets of winter, anxiously waiting to be awakened by the refreshing rain of spring. With each raindrop comes new life, just in time for yet another glowing summer. Each season comes as a reminder that ever part of our lives serves a purpose. Each change brings with it the promise of better days. We are always growing and changing. You may feel as though you are stuck in the darkest day of winter, but know that to every thing there is a season.

Ecclesiastes 3:1-8“To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven: A time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted; A time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up; A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance; A time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together; a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing; A time to get, and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to cast away; A time to rend, and a time to sew; a time to keep silence, and a time to speak;A time to love, and a time to hate; a time of war, and a time of peace.”

Rain

2007-09-24T14:04:00.000-07:00

An Oregon native, I am a self proclaimed expert on rain. Not only in a literal sense, but symbolically as well. Over the years, I have learned an important lesson about the rain. No matter how hard the rain comes down, at some point it always comes to an end, and the sun comes out again. This last week Los Angeles County was surprised by a two day rain storm. The rain served as a parallel to my life, as I underwent a storm of my own. Like the old saying goes, “when it rains, it pours”. We all experience stormy weather in our lives. Sometimes the rain I feel is in truth the tears that stain my heart. Dark cloud will often monopolize our skies, and more times then not we will be flooded by overwhelming circumstances. Natural disasters are inevitable. Don’t let circumstances beyond one’s control drown you. In due time, the storm will soon end. Look to the sky for the silver lining, and tomorrows forecast may just be sunshine.
"Then they cried out to the LORD in their trouble, and he brought them out of their distress. He stilled the storm to a whisper; the waves of the sea were hushed. They were glad when it grew calm, and he guided them to their desired haven." Psalms 107:28-30

Fixing the Roof

2007-08-17T13:18:00.000-07:00

Extreme Home Makeover is one of my favorite tv shows. Every Sunday night my mom calls and together we cry, and rejoice with each family that is blessed with their new home. We have a bit of a soft spot for these families, because our home is in dire need of its own makeover. Everything about our little farm house seems to be falling apart. It is such a mess that it isn’t something a little elbow grease and paint can fix. Getting started is a huge challenge, as each task involves three others projects just to get started. For example, we need to put in new floors. We can’t put in the new floors until we fix the fireplace. Every time it rains, water leaks from the fireplace onto the floor. Now this is when things get a little more complicated. We can’t fix the fireplace until we fix the roof. The roof is ultimately what is causing the leak. I love Extreme Home Makeover because the crew shows up, sends off the family, and in just one week the family returns to a beautiful new home. If only life were so simple. We all have our own dilemmas that we face. Like my parents home, not all are easy to fix. If you feel overwhelmed by your problems take them on one at a time. We can’t fix our house over night, but we can fix the roof.

Rise up; this matter is in your hands. We will support you, so take courage and do it.
Ezra 10:4

Light Bulbs

2007-08-04T12:14:00.000-07:00

In 1879 Thomas Edison invented the light bulb. It was a small piece of glass that illuminated light. This invention profoundly changed human existence. One man gave the gift of light to a dark world. It is funny to think how such a small delicate piece of glass can hold such an incredible source of energy inside of it. What I find even more ironic is that the delicate, piece of glass that makes up a light bulb is protected by only a thin piece of cardboard when purchased. Now if you were to buy a small memory chip for your camera, it is wrapped in several layers of hard plastic and is almost impossible to get to once it has been purchased. I think we treat our hearts the same way we do our light bulbs. Our heart serves as an incredible source of light. Every heart beat brings with it life. Our passion, desires, love and hurts all stem to the root of our heart. Like a fragile piece of glass we wander around this world almost unprotected. We are the light. If a light bulb can make its way from the factory to the store, and the store to our homes with out breaking, we too can persevere. If a thin piece of cardboard can protect a light bulb, imagine what the creator of the Universe can do for you.
“In the same way, let our light shine before men, that they may see your good deeds and praise your Father in heaven.” Matthew 5:16

Are We There Yet?

2007-07-23T12:06:00.000-07:00

I have heard before that patience is a virtue; however, if you told me that when I was a little girl crammed in between my two brothers in my parents 1970s Pontiac Lemans on a 10 ½ hour drive to Disneyland, I’m no sure I would have been very receptive. I have learned that the amount of patience a child has is usually equal to their age. As we grow up we learn that good things come to those who wait. Life is a journey, not a destination, and we are all just a work in progress. Yet, how often do we find ourselves asking God, “Are we there yet?” Like little kids driving down the road called life, we often lose sight of the adventure in the journey. We focus on the long road ahead, and complain when things get uncomfortable. My most treasured memories of our first family vacation aren’t those of us in Disneyland, but rather the unplanned stops and detours that made our trip unforgettable. Life is like a never ending road trip, it is up to us to enjoy the ride.

"It is good to have an end to journey towards;but it is the journey that matters, in the end."
Ursula K. LeGuin

"I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will counsel you and watch over you."
Psalm 32:8-10

Sticks and Stones

2007-07-10T11:55:00.000-07:00

The other day I came across a pageant bulletin board (Yes they do exist) and was broken hearted to find what a small group of strangers had to say about me. Masked behind the sarcasm was a piece of truth that pulled deep on my heart. My biggest fear for myself was staring at me through my computer screen. I was to some of them a failure. A has been. For the last four years I have battled with this very complex for myself. To see my own hidden fears written out for the world to see, I found myself feeling surprisingly inspired. It was almost as if for the first time I felt myself defending myself. At twenty-two, I am yet to have all of my dreams come true. How does that make me a failure? How boring would life be if we accomplished all our dreams on the first try? We are not defined by or successes, but by the character we develop through our failures. Yes, I have fallen many times, but I am proud to say that I always get up. I look at my life and see all the things I want to do, but sometimes it’s important for me to remind myself of all I have already done. I have been blessed with an amazing life. I am genuinely happy. No one can ever take that away from me. Eleanor Roosevelt once said, “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent”. Words do hurt, but take them with a grain of salt. A wise man once said, “Insults should be written in sand, compliments should be carved in stone”. Next time someone insults you, remember to words we used as children, “I’m rubber and your glue, whatever you say bounces off me and sticks to you”. If someone tries to bring you down this week, maybe it’s because they are trying to bring your down to their size.

“Don't copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will learn to know God's will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect.” Romans 12:2, NLT

The Wind

2007-07-03T17:18:00.000-07:00

A friend of mine asked me last night why God allows people to hurt. He questioned my beliefs based upon his own past hurts. If there is a God, why does he let children die of cancer? Why do people say that when something goes our way it is a gift from God, but we are being punished or tested when something goes wrong? How do I know God really exist? The answer is simple, but hidden beneath the simplicity is a complexity that I too am working to figure out. There are many things that I do not know, but I will share with you what I do. I don’t have all the answers, but I do have faith. I know that this world is not a mistake. How can someone look to the evening sky and not feel inspired by the multiplicity of the stars? This world is so intricately put together, that even the moon serves a purpose. I don’t believe that God inflects pain and suffering without purpose. I know that without suffering we would not have compassion. Why a parent has to bury their child I do not yet understand. I think that every life is a gift, and though some lives are cut short, I believe they did indeed have a significant purpose. I think that our daily lives are both challenged and blessed. We all have a purpose and path to choose. God gave us that right of choice. People question religion, as do I. My faith is not blinded, but validated daily. I don’t stress about religion, but focus instead on a relationship. My prayers are more a conversation rather then a ritual. I have been asked multiple times why I believe in a God I have never seen. My answer is always the same. God to me is a lot like the wind. I cannot see him, but I can feel him and see what he is doing. He is a constant.

The Serenity Prayer
“God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can; and wisdom to know the difference.
Living one day at a time; Enjoying one moment at a time; Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace; Taking, as He did, this sinful world as it is, not as I would have it; Trusting that He will make all things right if I surrender to His Will; That I may be reasonably happy in this life and supremely happy with Him Forever in the next. Amen. “
--Reinhold Niebuhr

Patience

2007-06-23T11:59:00.000-07:00

Have you ever gone to get into someone’s car and the door is still locked? To complicate things more, when the driver tries to unlock it for you, you are too quick at reaching for the handle that the door gets stuck between locked and unlocked. Frustrated, you then have to wait for the door to be completely locked and unlocked again before you can open the door. I think that sometimes I treat my life the same way as I do the car door. I am so anxious for doors of opportunity to be opened in my life that I don’t realize that my actions sometimes slow down the process. God gave us the right to choose the direction we want to take with our lives. He is always waiting to unlock the door, but sometimes we slow down the process by rushing to get ahead. Wait patiently, and God will open the door of opportunity at the perfect time. Don’t make him have to relock the door first.
"The Lord is wonderfully good to those who wait for him and seek him. So it is good to wait quietly for salvation from the Lord."
Lamentations 3:25-26 NLT

Perfect Fit

2007-06-05T16:19:00.000-07:00

A few months ago I borrowed a dress from the designer Tadashi to wear to the Miss USA pageant. In my mind I knew exactly what type of dress I wanted to wear. I wanted a silk dress that was short, but not too short, classy, but not too conservative, and sexy, but still young. If you are a guy, sorry if I’ve already lost you, I will try and redeem myself. Ladies, you know what I mean, right? All the original dresses I requested were unavailable. With the pageant just days away, I agreed to let the designer’s assistant surprise me with a dress of her choice. The package was delivered the day before the pageant. I opened the box to discover a pastel blue/green gown. It was floor length with a sort of mesh fabric. Nothing close to what I had imagined. I was disappointed and quickly put it back in the box. My friend Tiffany approached the gown and shook her head in disappointment. It looked boxy and unflattering. When you are going to watch America’s top beauty queens prance across a stage in swimsuits and designer gowns, you need a little confidence of your own to feel comfortable in the same room. After a nudge from Tiffany, I decided I should at least try the gown on. I took the dress once again out of the box and tried it on. As I zipped up the back of the gown, I had an instant smile brought to my face. It was as if the gown was made for me. It fit so beautifully. Though I never wear that color, or even that style, this gown had my name written all over it. I think that sometimes we create preconceived notions of how we think things should be. Whether it is a job, a relationship, or even a dress, we limit ourselves by never stepping out of the box. Our own thoughts and ideas of situations prevent us from seeing what other options may be out there. Don’t miss your perfect fit because you were afraid to step out of the box.

Jeremiah 33:3“Call to Me and I will answer you, and I will tell you great and mighty things, which you do not know.”

Forgive

2007-05-30T14:00:00.000-07:00

A parent's love is unconditional. As little kids we used and abused the right to cry when things didn't go our way. We threw temper tantrums in the middle of grocery stores, at home when we didn't like the food, and especially at night when we knew we weren't ready for bed. Saturday mornings we woke up extra early, making sure to wake our parents so that they could make us breakfast. As teens we slammed doors, screamed at them and occasionally even used the word, "hate". We questioned their motives and challenged their rules. As adults we continue to believe that they don't understand what we are going through, though they have been through it all before. Yet, they always love us. They are patient and understanding, and always quick to forgive. They let us make mistakes, challenge them, abuse them, and even run away from them. Yet, they are always waiting with open arms for us to return. They forgive and forget. A parent's love is unconditional. We have a Father in Heaven who sacrificed his only son so that we may live. Our sins were placed on the cross. We will fall and fail may times in life, but God is always waiting with open arms to forgive. His love is never ending. God doesn't let our sins define us, don't let someone else's mistakes define them. If you are holding on to a past hurt, it is time to let it go and forgive, as you too have been forgiven.

"And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ has forgiven you." Ephesians 4:32

Waves

2007-05-30T13:10:00.003-07:00

A few years ago some friends and I took a road trip from Oregon down to San Diego. We drove through all the major cities in California and made our way to the beach. Once in San Diego we relaxed by the beach. This was August 2004. Weeks before I had said goodbye to my crazy life in New York and was enjoying just being a teenager on a summer break. My new life in Los Angeles was about to begin. As the sun grew hotter, my friends and I made our way out into the ocean. With no surfboards of our own we decided to make the best of the waves and body surf. After riding each wave I grew more and more confident. I swam further and further out into the ocean to catch the bigger waves. Confident in my skills I took on an enormous wave. This wave swallowed me up. For seconds that felt like hours I tumbled around in the wave unable to breath. The fear of drowning overcame me and I wondered if I should just give up. Was this how I was supposed to go? We are all given the chance to fight or to give up. Life is like an ocean. Hard times come in waves. Some waves we can ride out while others feel like they are bringing us down. We have a God who can calm a storm with a word. Do you trust him enough to save you from a wave?
DAILY VERSE"I will walk among you; I will be your God, and you will be my people." -Leviticus 26:12 / (NLT) DEVOTIONALWhat deep waters of tragedy and sorrow do you face? You are not alone--God is with you, and he will not let you go under. What fire licks at your heels? Keep walking--God will shield you from the flames.

Heaven

2007-05-30T13:09:00.002-07:00

Monday I had a redeye flight from Los Angeles to Jackson, Mississippi. It has been four long months since I have felt the warmth of my loves arms wrapped around me. Four months, since I have felt his gentle kiss, and had his hands to wipe away my tears. I have been battling with the flu since last week and was dreading being "that girl" on the flight who couldn't stop coughing. To add insult to injury, people on the redeye don't seem to be big fans of yappy Chihuahuas in the middle of the night. I was 'that girl". The coughing, Buttercups barking…It was a disaster. My first flight left at 12:50am and landed in Houston at 5:40am. Buttercup and I weren't the most popular ones on the flight. Once in Houston, I had an hour layover. While sitting at my gate daydreaming about my love, three little boys caught my eye. They were spread out across four or five chairs. They ranged in age from about five to maybe nine years old. They looked so cute cuddled up on one another. Once onboard, I realized they were seated directly across from me. I couldn't wait for the plane to take off so that I could try to sleep for the remainder of the flight. Once the flight attendants voice silenced from the intercom, I closed my eyes at last to sleep. Just then, I heard shouting from across the aisle. People on the flight gave dirty looks to the boys across from me. This was their first time on a plane. They shouted with excitement as the plane went faster and faster down the runway. Once we lifted off the ground, they shouted with joy and stared out the window with amazement. I smiled at them and rejoiced silently with their enthusiasm. I slowly closed my eyes again attempting to sleep. I could still hear the little boys whispering to one another about all the amazing things they had just experienced. I sat wondering where their parents were during the flight. Our plane broke through the clouds and we were soaring high above the clouds. One of the little boys shouted, "We did it! We're in Heaven!" This comment tickled my heart. I was sick, tired and frustrated by my barking little dog, and these boys across from me were in Heaven. What has happened to our childlike innocence? After I got off the flight and was waiting for my bags, an exhausted woman standing next to me looked over at me and gave a tired smile. With a voice of desperation, she explained to me how she was worried about what she was going to do with her nephews. They had just been dropped into her life without warning and she was overwhelmed. Her nephews were the boys from the plane. I stood in silence wondering what tragedy had taken these boys away from their parents and carried them into the arms of an unexpected family member. She was tired and scared. She was now a mother of three. As I walked away, I was reminded of the boys comments about Heaven. I can't help but wonder how many special moments these boys will bring to this woman's life. Sometimes, when tragedy hits, we become overwhelmed by circumstances. Don't let circumstances prevent you from seeing little pieces of Heaven. I think God sends us little glimpses of it now and again. Don't miss your moment because your eyes are closed.
Matthew 19:14, 15
Jesus said, "Let the little ones come to me, and don't prevent them. For of such is the Kingdom of Heaven. And he put his hands on their heads and blessed them before he left."

Baby Ruth

2007-05-30T13:09:00.001-07:00

When I was a kid, I was the first girl to play on an all boys baseball team in my little league. Because little boys aren't the biggest fans of little girls, I became a human target every time I was up to bat. After being hit a few times, it should come as no surprise that I became afraid of the ball. I remember actually crying while waiting to bat. I would get yelled at by the umpire to step inside the box. I was so scared that I would often close my eyes or jump out of the box as the pitcher threw the ball. If I was lucky enough to not strike out, and was walked, or hit, I would smile big as I made my way to first base. I was a fast little kid and my revenge was stolen bases. I would tease the pitchers and catchers and steal bases every chance I got. My team actually won a few games because I stole home. On the last game of the season I begged my Dad to let me pitch. I was the shortstop and had never stepped foot on the pitchers mound. My dad said I could pitch if I got a hit. I was determined to hit the ball. I used my fear to feed my adrenaline. I made my way to the plate and look hard into the eyes of the pitcher. I gripped my bat tight and waited for the pitch. What happened next I still don't quite remember. Next thing I knew I was rounding first and then passing second. The third base coach put his hands up motioning for me to stop but I kept running to third and made my way to home. I hit a homerun. Babe Ruth once said, "Don't let the fear of striking hold you back". Life is like a baseball game. Step up to bat and swing big!

Fun Fact: Babe Ruth struck out 1330. We don't remember him for his strike outs. It is his 714 homeruns that we celebrate!

Joshua 1:9"Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go."

Barbie

2007-05-30T13:08:00.000-07:00

Most little girls go through the early stages of their life with one friend who can never be replaced. She is tall, beautiful, and nothing short of inspirational. She has the clothes, the car, the house, even the perfect guy. She is Barbie. As I've grown older the image she portrayed when I was a child seems unrealistic and a little shallow, however, she did teach an important lesson at a young age, to dream. Anything was possible for her. She was a doctor, a rock star, a princess, a movie star, and a friend. She had the world at her fingertips. She reflected the dreams of a child and till this day serves as a reminder that anything is possible. Though she is just a doll, she is also an image of innocence. Inside each of us lies a dream. We all have set goals, though years of rejection, or even just the harsh realities we face, have faded away into nothing more then a distant thought. God has planted desires in our heart for a reason. Those desires serve as a road map to our lives. And though not all of us are meant to be rock stars or princesses, it is important to never let the dreams we have inside fade away. On the path way to your dreams you may find a life that is beyond your wildest imagination.
"Success is to be measurednot so much by the position that one has reached in life as by theobstacles which he has overcomewhile trying to succeed." Booker T. Washington
Proverbs 3:5-6 "Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; 6 in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight."

Somethin' Out of Nothin'

2007-05-30T13:07:00.000-07:00

Today I was driving up Fairfax toward 3rd in Los Angeles. Just before the corner of the streets, I noticed a huge cardboard sign taped to a light post. It was a dirty piece of what looked to be the side of an old box. Scribbled writing in permanent marker read, "Hello my name is Robert. I am trying to get off the streets. I am selling ice cold water for 75 cents. Thank you." As I got closer to 3rd street I noticed another sign from Robert reading the exact same thing. While waiting at the stoplight I reached in my pocket and pulled out a dollar bill. I rolled down my window and waited for Robert to make his way over to my car. Almost every car at that intersection had their window down as well. With water bottles practically falling out of his hands he graciously made his way to each car. Just as the light was turning green he approached my car with a friendly smile. I took a second to look into the eyes of a stranger and for a moment felt as if I had been touched by an angel. He thanked me for the money and continued to bring water to the other people that waited patiently in their cars. As I humbly drove away, I was as reminded of all the great things God can do. I look at my life sometimes and see areas that I need to change. I make excuses for everything. I never have the money, the time, or the resources. Today, a man who literally had nothing thought," What can I do with what I have?" He used what little money he had to buy a marker, some ice, and a case of bottled water. If a man can make something out of nothing, imagine what God can do.
Jesus then took the loaves, gave thanks, and distributed to those who were seated, as much as they wanted. He did the same with the fish. When they had enough to eat, he said to his disciples, "Gather the pieces that are left over. Let nothing be wasted." - John 6:11-12
Take time this week to make the most of what you have. Don't let any gifts, or resources be wasted.

Love Notes From God

2007-05-30T13:06:00.000-07:00

Have you ever hopped into your car on a bad day and turned on the radio to discover your favorite song? Or maybe received a phone call from a friend just before you had a break down? Sometimes for me it is something as simple as the smell of fresh cut grass, or walking into a sunray of a cool day. For each person these love notes are different, none the less they all come from the same God. My friend Abby love when she comes across crunchy leaves, my boyfriend is in Heaven when he passes Crispy Cream and the red light is on (That means the doughnuts are fresh). In any case these love notes come at the perfect moments. I wonder how often we get so caught up in the chaos of this world that we miss these special moments. Surrounded by women yesterday, I experienced a love note. I think that those around me missed it. I was at work at a jewelry store and we were having an event for stylist and editors. I was bored and lost in a daydream when a gentleman walked in from the street. He was dressed in jeans and a blue blazer, and carried with him a small green notebook.He entered our store and with his smile demanded everyone's attention. In a fake English accent he told stories of truth. Pretending to be a modern day prince he bowed before all of us in the store. He went on to talk about how paper (Money) was nothing more then paper and that people should stop worrying about it. He spoke of truths masked behind stories. Though most people in the store found him crazy and out of place, I found him interesting and entertaining. He wasn't crazy. I could see the light in his smile, and found a child inside his blue eyes. His overwhelming theme was that people take life too seriously. We worry about things that are beyond our control and we judge others for being different. Just before he left the store he turned to me and asked me a question. He said, "What is your favorite thing inside this store?" I smiled and said, "Today, the chocolate covered strawberries". (We had them for yesterday event) He looked at me and said, "You've got it. Don't lose that light in your eyes." With that said we walked out the door and was gone. The other women were shocked and offended by this "crazy" stranger. I on the other hand was grinning from ear to ear. Growing up my parents would often tell me to never lose the light in my eyes. It is so easy to get jaded and discouraged. Yesterday, God found a special messenger just for me. And though he may have been crazy, he carried with him a love note that touched my heart. Take time this week to notice the love noted God is sending you. It may be as simple as a sunset, or as random as a crazy stranger. Look around and you will see God is revealing himself to you in small ways. You just need to take time to acknowledge the love notes that are already there.
Numbers 6:24-26"The LORD bless you and keep you; the LORD make his face shine upon you and be gracious to you; the LORD turn his face toward you and give you peace."

Home

2007-04-02T13:33:00.000-07:00

It has been over a year, two suitcases, five pairs of shoes, one jacket, countless couches and guestrooms, six jobs, fifteen songs, four states, two mission trips, twelve friends, a new dog, a new best friend, the loss of my Grandma, a millions tears and even more prayers that have gotten me to this point. Sunday, after a year of being homeless, I moved my stuff out of storage and into my new apartment. I finally have a home.
My prayers have served as life support since early March of last year. My world was turned upside down after a simple prayer. Within a week I had lost my job, my apartment, all my agents, and my life’s direction. God had been playing the song Surrender to my heart for months leading up to the loss of the world I had created. Being the control freak I am I couldn’t comprehend how to surrender. I take care of myself. I asked God to open the door where he wanted me to be and to close the doors where he didn’t want me to be. What he did was open my heart to him. He showed me how to walk by faith and taught me how to rely on him and my family and friends.
As church was coming to an end on Sunday, the Pastor was praying and in the midst of his prayer he said, “Well done good and faithful servant”. I realized then that I had surrendered. God carried me for a year and has given me back my dreams. He continues to bless me beyond any expectations I have ever had.
If you hear a small voice whispering to your heart, listen to all the amazing things it has to say. You may not understand what it is asking you to do, or even how to do what it ask, but God will show you. It may take a day, a month, or even years. We are all a work in progress. Imagine how boring life would be if we had all the answers.
“I sought the LORD, and he answered me; he delivered me from all my fears.”
Matthew 10:28

Rear-View Mirror

2007-03-21T13:32:00.000-07:00

When first learning to drive we are told that every 2-5 seconds we are suppose to check our rear-view mirror. Looking back can actually help prevent accidents. We must be completely aware of our surroundings to move forward safely. As we grow more comfortable driving we look back less. With our eyes focused on what is ahead we gradually become more aware of our surroundings and checking our mirrors happens without thought. Some people however, get paranoid and distracted and keep their eyes on the rear-view mirror and lose sight of what is in front of them. Accidents become inevitable. In life it is important to take to heart the things from our past, and to use those situations to move forward. You can’t get anywhere if your rear-view mirror is larger then your windshield. If you are focusing too much on the past and not on what lies ahead, you will miss the great opportunities that are right in front of you.

Psalm 121:1
“I lift my eyes up to the hills- where does my help come from? My help comes from the Lord the Maker of Heaven and Earth”

Scars

2007-03-12T12:28:00.000-07:00

Sunday at church I cried. This was probably the fifth time in my life that I cried in a church; three of those times were funerals. So, you can imagine it was a pretty big deal. The pastor shared a message about scars. He reminded us that we all have scars, some exterior and some on our hearts. These scars serve as reminders of pain we’ve had in our lives. It was a beautiful message full of insight. Just as the service was coming to an end he shared a story; this was the part that made me cry. He said that he had heard a story about a little boy in Florida. This boy decided he wanted to go swimming. He ran as fast as he could and dove into a lake near his back yard. An alligator had made its way into this lake. The boy saw the alligator swimming toward him and began swimming as fast as he could back toward the shore. The boy’s father saw what was going on and ran to the edge of the dock. He reached out and grabbed his son’s arms, at that exact same moment the alligator bit down on the boys legs. The boy’s life was in his fathers hands. His dad struggled and fought with the alligator to save his son. A neighbor saw what was going on and grabbed a gun and killed the alligator. The boy’s legs were severely damaged and he was rushed to the hospital. After a few weeks in intensive care, the boy was finally released. Once home a reporter came to interview the boy about what happened. Toward the end of the interview she asked if she could see the scars on the boy’s legs. He lifted up his pant leg and showed his scars. A moment later he asked the reporter if she wanted to see the best scars. He rolled up his sleeves and revealed scars on his arms. The boy proudly declared, “These are from my dad saving me”.
We all hurt. This world is hard and often painful. The message on Sunday was a reminder to me that God is on our side. We may feel like the world is pulling us down and ready to eat us up, but we have a Father who won’t let that happen. He is on the dock clinging to us for dear life. I often complain about how hard my life is. I cry out to God about the pain I feel and don’t understand why he lets me hurt. Sometimes we have to go through the pain to be saved. Scars remind us of the pain we have felt, but they should also serve as a reminder of the pain we have overcome. If you are hurting remember that sometimes the things that hurt the most are also the things that will save us.

Psalm 71: 20-21“Though you have made me see troubles, many and bitter, you will restore my life again; from the depths of the earth you will again bring me up. You will increase my honor and comfort me once again.”

For more information about the service I mentioned in my blog…Go to http://www.oasisla.org/
You can download the message to your ipod for free. Click on Podcast and you can download any of the services.

Pursuit of Happyness

2007-03-07T11:43:00.000-08:00

Will Smith deserved his Oscar nomination for his performance in the Pursuit of Happyness. His emotions were raw, and his tears genuine. The story was that of a fairytale. The life of Chris Gardner, the man Will Smith portrayed in the film, is nothing short of inspiring. However, it was a story his son shared in the film that has stuck with me. While walking with his father in a scene, this is what he said, “There was a man drowning in a lake. He cried out, “Help me God”. Just then a giant ox came along and asked if the man needed help. The man replied, “My God will save me”. The ox then walked away. Again the man exclaimed, “Help me God”. Moments later a second ox approached and asked if the man needed help. The man replied, “My God will save me”. After the ox left the man drown. Once the man got to Heaven he said, “God why didn’t you save me?” God replied, “I sent you two big oxen you dummy!” I think that all too often we miss opportunities and answers to our prayers. We go through life with blinders on. Sometimes we feel like we are drowning. Don’t dismiss your chance of being rescued. Sometimes the answer to our prayers is right in front of us. We just needed to open our eyes.

Psalm 46:1
"God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble."

Saturday

2007-03-03T10:22:00.000-08:00

Tuesday is my blog day. Every Tuesday I have promised to share my stories with you. This week I failed. So, today is my new Tuesday! Just today though…then back to regular Tuesdays. J Some of you may be wondering what happened this week. Life happened. I had writers block. I sat down to write my blog and my mind was flooded with so many different thoughts. None of which had anything to do with my blog. My harsh reality was it was Tuesday and I was going to be homeless on Thursday. One can only handle couch crashing for so long. It has been a year, four states, five jobs, a puppy, and two suitcases, a lot of tears, and even more prayers that have carried me to this point. Countless people have gone out of their way to help me get by. Imagine living a life on prayer. If God doesn’t answer your prayers you won’t survive. I feel like me life this last year has been in many ways a game of chicken with God. He tells me to walk by faith so I do. So many times it has become the day I needed to move out and had no where to go. I would pack and pray. A few weeks ago I felt overwhelmed and honestly scared. My friend Ross had let me stay with him for a month and it was the day I needed to move out. The plans I had made didn’t fall through. I was hours away from being homeless. Literally minutes after I began to pray I receive a call from my dear friend Ramin. He had come to my rescue again and found me a place to stay for a few weeks. I am tired of living out of my suitcase. I am staying with my friends Tacy and Dave right now. This week they were an answer to my prayers. Life is hard and often overwhelming. Sometimes it may feel like we experience more bad days then good. Some of you may even feel like you are living out of your suitcase. I am often reminded that this world is not our home. We will all cry, but we will all celebrate as well. Life is hard yes, but it also can be amazing. Like a storm, this too will pass. Hard times help build character. Don’t be discouraged. There is always a silver lining surrounding the clouds.

“We can rejoice, too, when we run into problems and trials, for we know that they help us develop endurance.”
Romans 5:3

Devotional: How will you know the depths of your character? God allows pain to help his people mature. The key is to turn to God and rely on him for endurance.

Everything But the...

2007-02-18T10:46:00.000-08:00

When I am sick, upset, or just having a bad day, I can always find comfort in my favorite ice cream, Ben & Jerry's Everything But the... Don't get me started on how amazing it tastes. The combination of chocolate and vanilla ice cream, white chocolate chunks, white heath bar pieces, peanut butter cups, and chocolate covered almonds is a match made in heaven for my taste buds. The thing about having a little heaven in a bowl is that it is specifically for sick, upset, bad days. Any other day I'm afraid it may loose its special powers. While eating a spoonful this weekend (I was sick) I had an Ahh-HA moment. God tends to speaks to me when I'm not thinking, which means I should write a lot more blogs! Anyway, my favorite part of the ice cream is the chunks of the heath bar. My history with Everything But the... ice cream is I always find that I don't get the chunks of the heath bar until I reach the bottom of the ice cream. I have to put a lot of time and energy getting past the chocolate covered almonds and peanut butter chunks. It is like a sweet reward for all my hard work. This weekend when I opened the ice cream up I found chunks of the heath bar right on top. I was amazed! It was the best part without the work. It is three days later and I still have half a container full of ice cream left and no desire to eat it. I feel slightly unsatisfied because after I invest my time and energy I want a reward. When the reward comes first it I don't appreciate it as much as I would if I had worked for it. I often look at how easy things are for some people and question God about why I have to work so hard. Blessings are always sweeter when we work for them. If you are at the chocolate covered almond phase, rest assured that the white heath bar is always at the bottom.

James 1:12 "Blessed is the man who perseveres under trial, because when he has stood the test, he will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him."

Chapter One

2007-02-11T14:44:00.001-08:00

I am in the process of writing my first book! It is a very exciting time, but scary as well. Before my book can be sold to publishers I need to complete a few task. I have less then two weeks to write the table of contents, three to five pages of the first chapter, ten to twelve pages of a middle chapter as well as put together a media packet. After the book is sold I will then need to finish the book. Twenty chapters. Four hundred pages. I just finished my second page. Two pages and I still have three hundred and ninety eight to go. It can get overwhelming to think that I have to make those two pages become four hundred. However, if I think about the fact that I am only three pages away from completing the five I need for my literary agent next week, its not so bad. Circumstances can seem impossible. We often see how big our problem is and forget how much bigger our God is. Most books aren't written in a day, and most problems aren't solved overnight. We need to write that first page to finish the book, and we need to take our lives one day at a time. I can't expect to finish this book in a few days, but I can plan on finishing the first chapter. You may feel like your life is on a deadline, with so much to deal with you are overwhelmed. Instead of trying to write a book, try to start with the first chapter.

Proverbs 16:9 A man’s heart plans his way, but the Lord directs his steps.

Lemonade

2007-02-06T09:32:00.000-08:00

When I was a little girl, my little brother and a few friends and I decided to have a lemonade stand. We took a table out onto our front lawn, made a few signs, and went into the house to make the lemonade. The only problem with our lemonade stand was we had no lemons. Disappointed and defeated, I examined our options. We could give up and go do something else, or we could find a way to make it work. A pitcher full of water, one cup of sugar and a pack of Kool-Aid later our stand was open for business. People always say, "When life gives you lemons make lemonade". I say, "Don't let the fact that you don't have lemons stop you from making lemonade."

"Commit to the Lord whatever you do and your plans will succeed"
Proverbs 16:3

Are You Afraid of the Dark?

2007-01-26T13:44:00.000-08:00

I am 22 years old and yes, I am still afraid of the dark. When I was younger I would turn off the light and dive into my bed and pull the covers over my head. When I moved out on my own I took a night light with me. True story. My last apartment I discovered that no night light was necessary because the street light was next to my window and it light up my room all night. While laying in bed last night I had an epiphany. I am fine in the dark as long as I can still see. It is that moment when the light goes off that scares me. In that split second before my eyes adjust I am surrounded by the unknown. I can't see what is in front of me. My faith is one and the same as my fear of the dark. When I can see what is ahead I am fine, it is when I am uncertain that the fear kicks in. The night light is what keeps me safe at night. In this dark world I can find security in God who is the Light. Our eyes always adjust. Sometimes that moment of darkness seems to last forever, but the light is always there. We just need to wait for the right time for us to see it.

8:12 When Jesus spoke again to the people, he said, "I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will never walk in darkness, but will have the light of life."

A Ten Thousand Dollar Temptation

2007-01-25T12:17:00.000-08:00

Have you ever thought to yourself, "My life would be so much easier if I had just a little more money"? To be perfectly honest, I don't think I need a little more money; I want a lot more money. I am in some ways the typical "starving artist". I have survived many months on Top Ramin and a prayer. I know how it feels to stretch a few dollars to cover a few weeks of gas. More times then I'd like to admit, I have found myself staring at an empty bank account. I have worked two and sometimes three jobs at a time while attempting to use lunch breaks as audition time. Money to me isn't about buying myself new things. It is about head shots and acting classes, rent and cell phone bills. It is so I can go just one month without worrying if I can afford to do this on my own. I have often prayed for just a little extra help in the financial department. One day while reading the book Your Best Life Now, a simple sentence stuck with me. It said, "If God can't trust you with little things, why should he trust you with big things?" I felt confident in myself and thought, "I'm being very trustworthy! Bring on the blessings!" Shortly after finishing the book a friend of mine asked to borrow some money. While at work I went online to check my account balance to make sure I could afford to help him out. I had been payed a week before and expected to see an $800 balance. You can image my surprise when I looked and saw I had $10,800 in my account! It felt like something from a movie. My blessing had finally come! I could live off of this for months. No more sacrificing myself just to get by. I was set! Everyone around me told me to take the money and run. They said it was the banks fault and I deserved it. In the midst of the chaos, a small voice spoke to my heart. I was reminded of what I had read just a week prier. "If God can't trust you with little things, why should he trust you with big things?" It was as if the world around me frozen in time while I began to see what was happening. This was a test. Not quite the "little thing" I expected. Lets be honest here, TEN THOUSAND DOLLARS is a pretty big thing to trust someone with. I knew what I had to do at that moment. I walked over to the bank and explained they had made a mistake. With the push of a button all my head shots, acting classes and financial freedom were gone. It was as if the money had never been in my account. Life moved on and the memory of someone elses money soon faded. A few weeks had gone by and my rent was due. Humbled and with tears streaming down my face I began to pray. I was $200 short on rent. I needed a miracle. A few hours after I prayed I recieved a life changing text message. It was from God! Ha Ha gotcha! I guess in more ways then none it really was from God. A family in Seattle who I had only met once before, told me God had put me on their hearts. They knew nothing of what was going on in my life. They were just texting me to let me know that they had just transfered $200 into my account. That $200 dollars ment more to me then $10,000 or even a million! It was a love note from God, letting me know he heard my cries and he felt my pain. It was His way of reminding me of all the blessing I am given daily. I may get tried and test, but more often then I notice I am blessed. Are you waiting on $10,000? What areas in your life are you being tested? What areas are you being blessed? Can you see the difference?

"I know how to live on almost nothing or with everything. I have learned the secret of contentment in every situation, whether it be full stomach or hunger, plenty or want. For I can do everything God ask me to do with the help of Jesus Christ who gives me strength."
-Phillippians 4:12,13

Roller Coasters

2006-11-30T15:37:00.000-08:00

Do you ever feel like you are going no where with your life? Like you are running as fast as you can just to get ahead but find yourself stuck on a treadmill? People say "it isn't about the destination, but the journey". My journey to self discovery has been more of a roller coaster than anything. I've traveled from my small town in Oregon to the bright lights of New York City. I've searched for the stars and found them in the sidewalks of Hollywood. Mission trips have taken me to the Bahamas and Mexico. The last few months, I sang my heart out in Nashville. I have been blessed to travel all over the world. My problem now is that I'm no longer sure what it is I am looking for. I invested the last 22 years of my life to try and fulfill my childhood dreams. Now I find myself wondering, "are they worth all of the ups and downs?" I have lived on couches, gone without food...not by choice, spent weeks living on only a few dollars, missed birthdays and weddings, and most recently my chance to say goodbye to my Grandma Love. A few weeks ago, Love passed away. Her death was sudden and has left my world a little shaken. I have left the ones I love the most to try and find my purpose. With my heart and ego bruised, I find myself questioning what it is I am searching for. How do we know which way to go with our lives? I have found comfort these last few weeks in the arms of my family. My visit was a time to grieve and say goodbye, but it has also been a chance to reflect on my life. However, the visit has been short lived. I am desperately searching for some direction, or a sign of which way I should go. I am preparing to take off, once again, to the land of broken dreams. It's funny how so long ago I yearned to have my chance to be a star. Rejection, or maybe just life has left the little girl inside of me jaded. Maybe what I need to find is her. She isn't afraid of anything! My life may be a roller coaster. And to be honest, as much as I love the thrill of the ride, I always get sick! The funny thing is, I ride them anyway! I think that if you are willing to spend your whole life chasing a rainbow, you may just find your pot of gold. "Don't worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done."Philippians 4:6

Big Shoes Little Feet

2006-11-14T15:13:00.000-08:00

One of the best things about being a little girl is playing dress up. The best accessory...Shoes! My mom, who just happens to be one of the most beautiful people I know, had a small but adequate selection of heels. I would slip my feet into those bad boys and strut my stuff all around the house. My little brother would occasionally join in...Wearing my dad's work boots, not heels! The only problem with this little game was the shoes were always too big. Because they weren't made for us we would often stumble and fall. In life there are many decisions we must make. What shoes to wear...What to do with our lives? If you feel like you are always stumbling and falling, maybe your not wearing the right shoes. Maybe you need to try to walk in your own shoes instead of trying to make someone else's work.

"It's in Christ that we find to who we are and what we are living for. Long before we heard of Christ,...He had his eye on us, had designs on us for glorious living, part of the overall purpose he is working out in everything and everyone."
Ephesians 1:11

Unopened Gifts

2006-10-10T18:08:00.000-07:00

Have you ever gone to get a gift wrapped? The walls are usually lined with beautifully wrapped presents. Each package carefully put together and the ribbons are always perfectly placed. They are almost so amazing that you think why would you want to open them? It seems wasteful to open such a beautiful gift.
Opening the presents for me is usually the best part. I'm not the girl who carefully peels off the tape and gently folds the wrapping paper to re-use or maybe just remember how beautiful it once was. No, I'm the girl who gets excited and just rips the present open. I'm not looking for the most beautifully wrapped present, it is what's inside that really counts.
All those boxes on the wall are just empty. They defeat the very purpose they were created for. In this world there are so many people who are just like those boxes on the wall. From the outside they look so perfect and put together, but the truth is they are just empty. Others are just afraid to see what is inside. God has blessed each of us with amazing gifts. Do you have an unopened present?
"Since we find ourselves fashioned into all these excellently formed and marvelously functioning parts in Christ's body, let's just go ahead and be what we were made to be." Romans 12:5

What are you waiting for?

2006-09-28T21:19:00.000-07:00

Two years ago I was feeling overwhelmed. I had recently moved to the "City of Angels" and quickly discovered it was no Heaven on earth. One day I was rushed for time and thought I would take a short cut to get ahead. I made one wrong turn and found my self stuck in the middle of rush hour traffic. Frustrated by my inescapable situation, I sat in my car and began to cry. The cars in front of me were going no where. A stranger in the car next to me waved me over into his lane to help me out. I decided I would rather wallow in self pitty and stayed in my lane. An hour passed and I hadn't moved one inch. Angry at the world for letting me down I grudgingly analyzed my situation. It was then that I realized I hadn't pulled into a traffic lane at all. When I turned off of the side street where I was originally parked, I had pulled into a parking lane. Now you are thinking, "This girl is an idiot." Trust me, I completely agree with you on that one. The thing is, I think everything in life happens for a reason. The reason for my lack of intelligence that day... I realized then that life can seem like a constant battle, often we feel like there is no escape to our situations. If you feel like you are getting now where with your life, maybe you are just sitting in the parking lane.